brokenness in the beauty

So last night during young life club I had the privilege of hearing one of my best buds give the talk. He shared his testimony, and it was one of the coolest experiences. Because I had just got done playing guitar on one of the songs and was putting it in the back I had to sit somewhat behind him facing all of the kids. Usually during club talks I'm in the crowd facing the speaker, but this time I got to watch the kids expression during the talk, and man they were listening. It was so beautiful to see these high school kids eyes so fixed on a college dude just being vulnerable and making a relationship with Jesus come alive. The room was so quite, some kids cried, but everyone was transfixed on what was being shared. So beautiful.

Driving back from club gave me a chance to think about this word. Beautiful. It's defiantly a powerful word, a word packed with emotions and images for me. Now I've heard the phrase "there's beauty in brokenness" but after reflecting on my life a bit I also think it's true that there's brokenness in beauty." I think most people would say that it's the ugly, painful, things in this world that have left them broken, and this would absolutely be true. But what's strange for me, is that not only have the ugly painful things left me broken, but the beautiful moments have broken me as well. I think back to certain snapshots in my life, certain people, certain moments. Beauty. I remember taking a walk with someone I deeply cared about, a beautiful girl, a lovely friend. We followed the road through a nearby neighborhood until it ended in a drop off of sorts. The towns freeway was below us and the neighboring cities skyline was blazing. I don't remember everything that was said, but I remember thinking what a special moment it was for me. A happy moment for my heart. But at the same time it was a moment that left my heart wanting more. And not more as far as earthly standards go, but more as far as my spirit was concerned.

What's odd is that my life has been scattered throughout with moments like those, amazing moments, and these moments have left my heart as equally broken as the ugly times in my life. Something about a moment, a person, or an experience being so beautiful breaks the heart. Leaves you wanting something more. Sometimes they even leave aches, echoes of something louder. Now isn't that weird? I've always thought that the happy moments were kind of the "glue" to hold the heart together in between the ugly times. Something that makes this life worth living in spite of all the pain you know? I asked God about it and came to the realization that this is simply not the truth. God's intention for the beauty he's placed in our life (a beautiful girl, a place, a song) is to break us open! The same could be said for the pain in this life. God uses pain to break us and bring us to him. Well what's the deal?? Does God want every single moment in this life to break us? To leave us wanting more? I believe he does. I believe that God wants every experience the ugly and even the beautiful to break us open completely. I believe that until we learn to take down our walls and let the beauty and pain both break us down in this life, will miss out on a deeper Love for God. I believe that God intends there to be brokenness in the beauty, because to him a broken life is a beautiful thing.

Psalm 51:16,17 Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice. (message)